Real Life

Tends to be full of ups and downs, twists and turns, taking a few steps back before going forward again. This is where I am at. Realizing that I've fallen into survival mode instead of thriving mode. It feels like it will take me a bit to get back on track. It's time to look at my Authentic Life Plan again and remember what my core priorities are. I'm so thankful that I have that printed out so I can refer to it when I get into the mindset of "who cares". So how did I find myself in survival mode? I think it started when I stopped doing my Scripture Writing while on my 25th anniversary getaway. I started doing things in my own strength. Was it pride? Did I momentarily think I "had it all together" somehow? That's kinda laughable, but maybe... Here's the thing though. I let my spiritual armour get rusty. Oh sure I still had discernment, but when it's not balanced with Abba's love, it turns into judgement. Instead of praying over people and situations, I started to talk about them and complain. The enemy snuck in as I began to believe his lies all over again. There I was crying out to Abba one second and in the next believing the lies, then rebuking the lies and crying out to Abba and then believing lies again. It's a hard battle when your armour has gotten rusty. Not all bad happened though in the last month! As a family we watched a few Dr. Strydom videos on Freemasons and how the enemy has used Hollywood and the music industry to further his kingdom (once Toby was in bed as the material was not appropriate for his age). We went through our movies and got rid of a lot, keeping only the Feature Films for Family movies and a few others that weren't produced by the big companies and dedicated to Satan. We learned a lot about the Adversary and his methods of deception. This could also be an open door for the enemy to wreak havoc in me. While there is strong conviction, there is also a strong feeling of hopelessness as well. Couple those feelings with perimenopause and you will end up feeling the need for deliverance!!! That being said, I do recognize certain things in my life that I need delivered from, no amount of Freedom Session or renewing my mind is gaining any ground in those areas. I think it's a good thing to understand when you need help outside of what you are familiar with. I have shied away from deliverance stuff for a long time, but that's the problem. I am not seeing Freedom in certain areas of my life and I feel like the only thing left to do is seek Abba for deliverance. We see in Scripture that Yeshua and the disciples cast the familiar spirits out of those who were manifesting. I haven't seen any Scriptural evidence that shows people getting delivered without outside help. And so, that is where I am at. This is real life. I am at a low point right now. But a low point that is bringing me to my knees before Abba in humility and surrender. I've gone through so many seasons of Spiritual highs and lows and this season, it feels like I can see the enemy manifesting through me, and it's blindsiding me. I don't want ANY unclean spirits taking up residence because I've given the enemy legal right to be there.